What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

What was your best unexpected reunion with your childhood best friend?

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

What are the defining characteristics of woke liberals and conservatives in the United States?

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

What would you change in Rings of Power?

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Why don't some people like the 10 Commandments?

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

All the time i was locked up.

Was to survive, this bastard.

A recipe to reverse cancer’s sweet tooth - Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

She was in good health!

Why did i forgive my father ?

What movies have not aged well?

So whats the point in blame.

I will be 64.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

7 Surprising Home and Garden Mistakes That Could Be Making Your Allergies Worse - Yahoo

I was scared of men, in general

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

If you believe in God, do you think God can save you from cancer?

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

She married twice! .

I said to her

What was your worst experience while living with roommates?

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I couldn’t, believe it.

Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She wouldn,t have been !

One cannot live in the past .

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

My life is so biszare .

It was going to be , some day.

I was very sick at this time too.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

The only rule us 5 kids had .

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

Ive learnt so much.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

So, i spoilt her more .

My family never makes their pension either.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Would this be the day?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

We all went to grammer schools

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Im still living with it.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He was dying to do it , i knew.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

As i do to all so called friends.?

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

But ive been too sick for many years..

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Who then, do I blame.?

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

But it wasn’t much.

She found it foreign!.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

This is soul school!.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

What did i know ?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

But, we were locked up after school.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

When she asked me how she looked .

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I think the readers, may guess!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Especially a lifetime of it.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

(And it was in our own minds.)

He knew the spot.

And i lived it daily.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I was seconnd youngest,

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I was 9 years of age.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I never cut or harmed myself..

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I don,t even have a pension.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

He resisted the act ,that day.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I waited trembling.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I write beautiful poetry .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I could never make a relationship work though!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

We were not on the streets..

Comes on , in middle age.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Put me off passion for life!!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

She loved him until the end.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I have no regrets .

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.